A drug to boost female sex drive could be worth billions to the company that
manages to get it approved by the FDA. Recently, two new treatments have made
strides towards that goal. But some are skeptical of the real value of such
a drug to the women it’s supposed to help.

In late 2004, FDA approval of Intrinsa, a testosterone patch for low female
sex drive, seemed imminent. News reports heralded Intrinsa as a “Viagra for
her,” suggesting that it would ed meds
sexual health for women just
as erectile levitra viagra vs
pills had for men.

Except an FDA advisory panel saw things differently. Finding numerous
problems with the evidence for the drug’s effectiveness and safety, experts on
the panel voted against approving it. Procter & Gamble, the company
responsible for Intrinsa, withdrew its application. Procter & Gamble is a
WebMD sponsor.

Now the frontrunner in the race to market the first prescription drug for
low female sex drive is Treat erectile dysfunction the best Pharmaceuticals. It has a drug
called flibanserin in phase III clinical trials, the final phase of drug
testing required for FDA approval. The company is a WebMD sponsor.

Flibanserin is a bit mysterious. It is a kind of antidepressant, but it
hasn’t been approved previously for any use. Boehringher-Ingelheim is saying
little publicly about the drug. The company declined WebMD’s request to
interview a company viagra vs levitra
, instead issuing a prepared statement. The
statement does not explain how the drug is supposed to work, other than that
“flibanserin is a molecule acting on the central nervous system and is not
a hormone product.”

Another drug, called bremelanotide, is in development for low female sex
drive and male erectile dysfunction at the same time. Both potential uses are
being tested in phase II clinical trials, which are early studies to assess how
well a drug works and how safe it is.

Bremelanotide is a new chemical created in the laboratory. It’s given in the
form of a nasal spray, and it acts on the central nervous system.

“It’s actually working in a region of the brain called the hypothalamus,
which is known to be involved in sexual arousal in both men and women,”
says Carl Spana, PhD, CEO of Palatin Technologies, the company researching
bremelanotide.

Welcome to your sex life, 2007, where the bases have changed (but they’re
still all loaded), we’re plugging in to get turned on, and we article drug dysfunction erectile from internal medicine news rx update and
generic soft tab viagra
each other more than ever, depending on the day. How to make
sense of it and get more of what you want? We went into real people’s bedrooms
(someone had to) to discover their deepest, sexiest secrets (and a few
missteps). We also surveyed the country on what’s happening in bed (don’t miss
out), and we asked the guys at men’s mag Esquire to tell us what men
really want. Don’t worry; we told them a few things, too. Indulge yourself.

In the cure dysfunction erectile natural Marie Claire/Esquire national survey, we got more
than 1700 adults between the ages of 21 and 49 to tell us you horny things
exactly what it is you do between the sheets…and at your computer, on your
desk, on the first date, in the elevator, and more. Now we know the real reason
everyone’s so addicted to their BlackBerries, what’s wrong with cyberflirting,
and how many times a week you’re getting it on. The truth, by the numbers.

ARE YOU ABOVE AVERAGE IN BED?

Average number of…
times per week you have sex: 2.6 for men; 2.3 for women
partners in lifetime: 14 for men; 11 for women
times per week you masturbate: 3.8 for men; 1.6 for women

MAYBE WOMEN JUST TYPE FASTER
61% of men surf the Net for porn; about half of them spend an hour or more
per week doing it.
17% of women surf for porn; only a third put an hour or more into it.

ITS RESEARCH, I SWEAR!

14% of women have looked at porn on the Internet at work; 32% of men have.

What’s your sex secret?
“The only way I can get off is if I fantasize that I’m a secretary and I’m
doing it with my boss.” Michelle, 27

“I keep erotic stories in my iPod and secretly read a few while watching
TV with my boyfriend. That way, by the time we go to bed, I already have a head
start.” Brooke, 26

“I hate feet, so I always have sex with my socks on and I prefer if he
does, too.” Karen, 27

“I’m not getting any!” Kristy, 32

“My friends would be amazed if they knew the real number of men that I
have slept with. It’s up there.” Kimberly, 28

“I’ve been having sex with my ‘friend with benefits’ since my sophomore
year of college. We dated for four weeks and have been sleeping together for
four years.” Kristen, 23

“I didn’t sleep with a man because he had a small penis.” Carla,
26

“I’ve always wanted to do it in a public restroom.” Jaime, 27

“I lost my virginity on my dad’s 50th birthday.” Gina, 27

Sex Around the World: How We Stack Up

Is It Something in the Waffles?

People in Belgium are happiest with their sex lives; the Chinese, not so much,
ranking last on the satisfaction scale. (USA: tied with Croatia for fourth
place)

First to Lose It

40-year-old virgins? Not exactly, but in India, the average age of first sex is
19.8, the oldest in the world. (USA: 16.9 years old)

Film Buffs

Canadians and Americans are the most likely to have cameras rolling during
sex.

Busiest in Bed

The Greeks top the frequency charts, having sex an average 138 times per year;
the Japanese just 45 times a year. (USA: in 11th place, averaging 113 boinks
annually)

Why We’re Thinking of Moving Our Offices
Place you’re most likely to have sex at work: South Africa. (USA: fifth most
likely, same as Serbia and Montenegro)

Turkish Delight

People in Turkey have had more sex partners (14.5) than in any other country,
while in India, they have had the fewest (3). (USA: ranks 13th)

Good Vibrations

Vibrator use is highest in Taiwan. (USA: tied with the U.K. for second)

Top 5 Sex Videos We’ve Seen but Wish We Hadn’t

1. Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee
2. R. Kelly and the underage girl
3. One Night in Paris
4. Screech’s threesome
5. Bob Dole’s Viagra erectile dysfunction pill

Top 5 Books That Sound Like They’re About Sex but Aren’t

1. The Call of the Wild , by Jack London
2. Anything by E.E. Cummings
3. Hard Times , by Charles Dickens
4. They Came Like Swallows , by William Maxwell
5. My Life , by Bill Clinton

Top 5 Roles We Wish We’d Been Cast In

1. Rose Byrne in Troy . Held captive and expected to service Brad
Pitt? The horror, the horror…
2. The mango in How Stella Got Her Groove Back the one caressed by
Taye Diggs’s tongue.
3. Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal . Sex with Woody Harrelson and
Robert Redford: What’s so indecent?
4. Shannyn Sossamon in 40 Days and 40 Nights . Josh Hartnett uses an
orchid on Sossamon to…well…let’s just say he gives “deflowering” a
new meaning.
5. Jake Gyllenhaal in BrokebackMountain. Heath Ledger is
rough and manly. Grrrr. Oh, and when he asks you to go fishing, you don’t
really have to go. We’d take that bait.

More Articles on Marie Claire.com

• 3 Fats That Make You Skinny

• Orgasm Secrets You Haven’t Heard

• Wrinkle Remedies: How to Get Rid of Those Fine Lines

• Ultimate Sex Tips from the Pros

• Celebrity Body Secrets

In the world of medicine, “breakthrough” is not a word taken
lightly. But the prestigious British medical journal BMJ soon plans to
name what it considers the greatest medical breakthrough since 1840 — the year
the journal was launched.

Last year, BMJ invited readers to submit nominations for the honor.
Now in contention are 15 medical advances, ranging from anesthesia to vaccines,
that over the decades have saved millions of lives and erectile dysfunction
human
suffering.

These breakthroughs were culled from more than 100 nominations from
BMJ readers — mostly physicians and scientists — based on the
ability of each medical development to transform lives around the world.

Among the suggested breakthroughs that didn’t make the cut? Condoms, Viagra,
soap, exercise, and the mobile phone.

For the 15 advances that made the short list, BMJ has chosen 15
leading doctors and scientists to champion each milestone in contention for top
honor. These are respected medical experts, including the creator of the modern
birth
controlbirth control pill, a
descendent of the scientist who helped developed anesthesia, and the author of
a book on the history of penicillin.

Beginning Friday, Jan. 5, subscribers and the general public can log onto
the web site, read arguments for all 15 advances, and vote for their personal
favorite. The deadline for voting is Sunday, Jan. 14, and the winning
breakthrough will be announced Jan. 18 on the site.

The Nominations, Please

Here is a sneak peek and description of the 15 advances that made the
shortlist, to give you a running start:

• Anesthesia: In 1846, a Boston dentist used ether during
  surgery, putting an end to much of the pain of undergoing surgery. Since then,
  general anesthesia has become a mainstay in operations.
• Antibiotics: Alexander Fleming, a British erectile dysfunction
  ,
  discovered penicillin in 1928 by accident when he sloppily left a Petri dish of
  bacteria uncleaned in his lab. He found a substance (later named penicillin)
  growing on it that killed the bugs, and thus was the beginning of modern-day
  antibiotics. Fleming shared the Nobel Prize in 1945 for the discovery.
• Chlorpromazine: Discovered in 1952, chlorpromazine
  (Thorazine) was the first antipsychotic medication. It was used to treat
  psychotic disorders and their symptoms, such as hallucinations, hostility, and
  delusions. Its development brought new understanding of the biological basis
  for mental illness, and some say it provided more humane management.
• Computers. From medical records to insurance, to making
  sure your new medication isn’t going to clash with an existing one, computers
  are now viewed by some doctors as being as important as their stethoscopes.
  They’ve been in use in medicine since the early 1960s. Doctors can access
  information on new drugs and interactions, new medical studies, clinical
  trials, or keep patient records stored at their fingertips — so they’ll know
  in an instant if you really have kept the weight off.
• DNA structure. Scientists James Watson and Francis Crick
  presented the structure of the DNA helix, the molecule responsible for carrying
  genetic information from one generation to the next, in 1953. It earned them
  the Nobel Prize in 1962.
• Erectile dysfunction pills
  medicine. As the name suggests,
  evidence-based medicine involves making use of the current best evidence (such
  as research), a patient’s values, and a doctor’s clinical experience to make
  decisions about patient care. The term was coined in the early ’90s and the
  concept has been evolving ever since.

More Nominations

• Germ theory. In the late 1800s, Louis Pasteur was the
  first to suggest the theory that disease is caused by exposure to
  order generic viagra
  . Others furthered the theory, showing that specific diseases are
  caused by specific “bugs.”
• Imaging. The X-ray was accidentally discovered in 1895.
  Since then, the field has expanded, giving us computed tomography (CT scans),
  positron emission (PET scans), magnetic resonance imaging (MRIs), and
  ultrasound.
• Immunology. The history of immunology is traced to 1798,
  when Edward Jenner found that people could be immunized against the disease
  smallpox. Numerous other immunology discoveries followed, leading to a greater
  understanding of such things as allergiesallergies and antibodies.
• Oral rehydration therapy. As the name suggests, ORT
  involves giving fluids by mouth to replace losses of body water. It was first
  reported in 1964; now it’s a mainstay of treatment in patients with cholera,
  acute diarrheadiarrhea, and other conditions.
• The pill. Since the pill arrived on the U.S. market in
  1960, it’s been hailed as one of the seven wonders of the world. For women who
  use it correctly, oral contraceptioncontraception can be up to 99% effective.
• Risks of smoking. The first report of the connection
  between smoking and lung cancerlung cancer was published in BMJ in 1950. Even so,
  tobacco use still kills an estimated 440,000 Americans each year.
• Sanitation. The importance of clean drinking water and
  waste disposal emerged in the late 1800s, as diseases began to be linked to
  impure water. But the World Health Organization says there is a long way to go.
  More than 1.1 billion people still lack access to drinking water from an
  improved source; 2.6 billion do not have basic sanitation.
• Tissue culture. Tissue culture (keeping tissue alive and
  growing it in a culture medium for research or other purposes) was
  “discovered” in 1907, but it took until the 1950s for it to become an
  important tool for clinical investigation.
• Vaccines. Vaccines have helped prevent a variety of
  diseases — including polio, whopping cough, and measlesmeasles. The first was Edward Jenner’s smallpox
  vaccine, in 1796.

The Envelope, Please

To vote, visit www.bmj.com.

March 23, 2007 — Women report better sexuality and improved self-esteem
after cosmetic breast erectile pill surgery, a University of Florida study
shows.

Cynthia Figueroa-Haas, PhD, clinical assistant professor at the University
of Florida College of Nursing, advertised for volunteers in the offices of
cosmetic plastic surgeons. Eighty-four women completed questionnaires on
self-esteem and sexuality before and after cosmetic breast augmentation
surgery.

Overall, the women didn’t have particularly low self-esteem or particularly
poor sexual function prior to surgery. But both aspects of their lives
purchase sildenafil citrate improved after they got breast implants.

“They were already OK with self-esteem and sexuality — they just wanted
larger breasts,” Figueroa-Haas tells WebMD. “They got increased levels
of self-esteem and sexuality.”

Figueroa-Haas bristles at the idea that it’s frivolous for women to want to
improve their body image. Body image, she says, is an important factor in a
woman’s self-esteem.

“A lot of people consider plastic surgery a procedure that doesn’t need
to be done. They say women should stay with their bodies and what God gave them
and be satisfied. I don’t agree,” she says. “This procedure does change
women’s psychosocial issues. There are differences in life satisfaction
between people with good and poor self-esteem.”

Figueroa-Haas reports her findings in the January/March issue of Plastic
Surgical Nursing.

Sex and Breast Augmentation

After getting breast implants, women experienced every measure of sexuality
more strongly, Figueroa-Haas found. After breast augmentation, women reported
significant increases in arousal, sexual desire, sexual satisfaction, and
lubrication.

Figueroa-Haas says women tend to be left out of the discussion when it comes
to enhancing sexuality.

“Improved sexuality is not all about men’s sexuality and Viagra,”
she says. “It is a subject women even have trouble discussing with other
women. But women who suffer sexuality issues feel like they are not feminine
enough.”

Despite the benefits she finds in cosmetic breast augmentation,
Figueroa-Haas warns that surgery cannot address serious underlying issues women
may have.

“This isn’t a cure-all. If you have underlying psychological issues,
don’t run out and see a plastic surgeon. These issues have to be addressed
first,” she says.

That’s a very important point, agrees clinical erectile pill David B. Sarwer,
PhD, director of the weight and eating disorders program at the University of
Pennsylvania. Sarwer has studied psychological issues surrounding breast
augmentation surgery.

“Sure, body image is an important part of self-esteem,” Sarwer tells
WebMD. “But self-esteem is based on all sorts of things other than body
image. It may be unrealistic to think that, just by having breast augmentation,
a woman will improve her overall self-esteem.”

Sarwer has found that women who seek cosmetic breast surgery have their own,
personal motivations. They are not, as stereotype would have it, trying to
please their husbands or boyfriends.

Sarwer says women considering breast implants should consider three
things:

• A woman should make sure it is what she wants. She should not seek plastic
  surgery under pressure from someone else.
• “A breast implant is unlikely to change women’s lives in any major
  way,” Sarwer says. “They may get some positive attention, but they may
  also suffer negative attention. For everyone who says you look great, there may
  be whispers down the lane: ‘She is too big, too showy.’”
• Some women seeking breast implants suffer from a serious psychological
  problem called body dysmorphic disorder: disproportionate concern over
  relatively minor physical erectile dysfunction
  . Both Sarwer and Figueroa-Haas warn
  that women must be evaluated for this condition before surgery.

And Sarwer warns that researchers are now becoming aware of a dark side to
breast implants: suicide.

“What we think is going on here, although we are not sure, is these
women have some pathology, perhaps clinical depression, prior to surgery,”
he says. “And when implants don’t improve their depression, these women
become suicidal. For women with profound underlying issues, there is something
going on here that is potentially dangerous.”

Men dont like to talk about it; neither do their partners. But loss of
libido in men or inhibited sexual desire stresses a marriage more than any
other sexual buying online story viagra
, according to Barry McCarthy, co-author of
Brand generic online viagra
Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex
Marriages.

Losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is
for women: It affects about 15% to 16% of men, and at least double that many
women. But when men lose interest in sex it scares them more than women –
their masculinity is so linked to their sexuality that it is very
threatening, says Esther Perel, a couples therapist in New York city and
author of Mating in Captivity.

Loss of libido also makes men more unhappy about the rest of their
lives than it does women. Only 23% of men with loss of libido say they
still feel very happy about life in general vs. 46% of women, says Edward
Laumann, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago co-author of
The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United
States. It bothers men more.

But loss of libido is not something you have to live with. There is much you
can do to regain your sex drive and your happy outlook on life.

How Do You Know if You have a Problem With Loss of Libido?

Libido loss doesnt usually happen suddenly its not like catching a cold
where you wake up one morning and whoops, there it is. It can be a gradual
process. Though difficult to define precisely, Laumann measures it as follows:
It is a lack of interest in sex for several months of the past
year.

Frequency of sexual activity is not the best measure of sexual interest so
many circumstances can get in the way of an encounter, even if the desire is
there. But if you are in a committed relationship and having sex less often
than the norm — about once a week you might ask yourself whether you are
happy with things as they are.

If youre not happy about your loss of libido, researchers agree that it is
best to grapple with these issues before they become entrenched. To help
identify the early warning signs, see whether you answer the following
questions true or false:

1. Touching takes place only in the bedroom.
2. Sex does not give you feelings of connection and sharing.
3. One of you is always the initiator and the other feels pressured.
4. You no longer look forward to sex.
5. Sex is generic overnight viagra
   and routine.
6. You almost never have sexual thoughts or fantasies about your spouse.
7. You have sex once or twice a month at most.

If you answered true to many or most of these questions, you may be on your
way to losing sexual desire, writes McCarthy. Understanding the various causes
is the first step to finding the appropriate resolution.

Nov. 19, 2004 — Here’s the disturbing fact you probably already know: As a
woman ages and hormone levels drop, so too can her enjoyment of — and
oftentimes desire for — sex.

Here’s the good news: Though saying goodbye to hormones and sex may happen
in the same breath, the latest research indicates that sexual desire has less
to do with this change than it does with lifestyle and other health
factors, at least some of which are under a woman’s direct control.

These are the encouraging results reported by a group of distinguished
European sex experts this month in the first ever supplement to
Menopause, the journal of the North American Menopause Society.

“The findings have helped healthcare professionals discard the notion
that sexual difficulties occurring close to menopause are either biologic or
erectile dysfunction tabs
,” writes Rosemary Basson, FRCP, a professor of psychiatry and
of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of British Columbia and guest
editor of the special issue.

The new research was part of a series of studies conducted on female sexual
dysfunction by the department of clinical psychiatry and psychotherapy at
Hannover Medical School in Hannover, Germany. As part of the overall project,
102 women aged 20 to “45 plus” answered 165 queries designed to flush
out determinants of female sexual satisfaction.

Specifically, researchers hoped to determine satisfaction with sex life in
general, sexual satisfaction and orgasm during intercourse, petting,
masturbation, attitudes towards sexuality, quality of partnership, and sexual
myths.

What the study found: There appeared to be no age differences with respect
to frequency of sexual intercourse or the desire for sexual activity not
involving intercourse among the differing age groups.

Moreover, age did not make a difference in regard to frequency of orgasm or
in sexual satisfaction ratings with their partners. For example, 29% of women
up to age 45 reported having orgasms “very often,” compared with 26% of
women over age 45.

Even more dramatic was that while 41% of women over age 45 reported having
orgasms “often,” only 29% of younger women reported having orgasm
“often.”

Among the few differences in the groups: Women over 45 reported having fewer
orgasms during non-intercourse sexual activity or during masturbation. Both
groups of women reported a dual dimension necessary for successful lovemaking
that included having both feelings of emotional closeness to their partner and
satisfactory physical experiences.

After comparing all the answers from both older and younger women, as well
as from women who reported sexual problems and those who did not, researchers
concluded that the single most influential factor with regard to sexual
satisfaction via intercourse was the quality of the partnership, in particular
the quality of mutual respect, which then becomes of greater importance as a
woman ages.

After comparing these study results to earlier and ongoing findings, the
researchers concluded that the basis of any sexual problems that did occur at
midlife could not be drawn from menopause status or age alone. Instead, they
write, “Life stressors, contextual factors, past sexuality, and mental
health problems are more significant predictors of midlife women’s sexual
interest than menopause status itself.”

The study was one of just several research papers presented in the journal
this month on the subject of female sexual dysfunction. All strived to shed
much needed light on a subject that some believe has been hidden in the shadows
too long.

For NYU professor of gynecology Steven Goldstein, MD, the findings validate
what he has long suspected to be true.

“It’s quite wonderful that this is being studied and that the results
reinforce what I, and I think many doctors have long believed — that this
whole issue of changes in midlife sexual function is not a simple case of ‘take
away the hormones, take away the desire,’” Goldstein tells WebMD.

Moreover, he adds that “As we go forward, viagra generic brand
all of the
complex, cure dysfunction erectile elements that affect a woman’s sexuality remains crucial,
particularly when deciding who is a candidate for a hormonal treatment that
might help increase desire and who might benefit more from simple lifestyle
changes,” says Goldstein.

Lying awake nights worrying if terrorists or bird flu will get you?
Consider, instead, a threat that’s far closer to home, and one that you can
control: high blood pressure.

One in three adults has high blood pressure, but only 61% are under
treatment and roughly two-thirds do not have it under control, according to the
American Heart Association (AHA) web site. In 2004, the disease killed more
than 50,000 people in the U.S., yet the AHA says high blood pressure is easily
detected and usually controllable.

Care exercise health physiology professional
of blood pressure medications are one reason people never seek
treatment (what if it makes me impotent?), abandon treatment (these swollen
ankles look terrible), or cut back on their medication dosage (I’m tired of
being tired).

WebMD talked with two erectile dysfunction new drugs
and a pharmacist about seven
complications you should be aware of. Most importantly, they say that
complications shouldn’t be a reason to abandon treatment or cut back on
prescribed dosages. Instead, talk to your doctor or pharmacist. “We have
200 medications for treating high blood pressure,” says Thomas Giles, MD,
who is professor of medicine at Louisiana State University School of Medicine
in New Orleans. “We’ll keep on it till we find what will give you the best
result and be least intrusive in your life. It’s no good to make people feel
terrible, and we don’t have to do that.”

1. Fatigue and Dizziness

Dan Jones, MD, tells WebMD that when people begin taking blood pressure
medication, the most common problem is fatigue. Jones is dean of the School of
Medicine at the University of Mississippi in Jackson, and spokesman for the
American Heart Association (AHA). “It’s especially true for older patients.
If blood pressure has been elevated for a while, when the medication is taken
and the blood pressure begins to come down, for a period of time there’s less
circulation in some of the vessels, including those in the brain. It takes time
for those citrate generic sildenafil viagra vessels to relax. There may be a perception that there’s
less blood flow, which can produce fatigue or dizziness. If it’s mild, it can
be worked through simply by staying with the medication.”

A patient who feels fatigued when on the medication may decide instead of
taking it daily to take it every few days or so. “When they go off it, the
blood pressure rises and they feel better,” says Jones. “If they
continue this cycle, they never get past the fatigue, which typically will go
away after two to six weeks of therapy.”

2. Cough

ACE inhibitors are a class of medication that can cause a persistent cough
in 10% to 15% of patients. “Don’t continue the medication,” says Giles.
“I tell patients that if they get a cough, let me know.” If the ACE
inhibitor is stopped, it will need to be replaced with some other drug.
Examples of ACE inhibitors include: Lotensin, Monopril, Prinivil, Zestril,
Accupril, Altace, Vasotec, and Capoten.

3. Frequent Urination

No one wants to become famous for frequent bathroom breaks. Using diuretics
successfully is a matter of timing. Try to take them in the beginning of your
day. “I tell patients not to take the diuretic and drink a lot of water
before they go to bed,” says Giles, who is president of the American
Society of Hypertension. “And don’t take your pill before a one-hour taxi
ride to my office. Wait till you get here to take it.” One of the most
common diuretics used for high blood pressure is hydrochlorothiazide. It may be
in its own pill on in combined formulations such as Hyzaar or Maxide.

4. Fluid Retention

Virtually any medication for buy sildenafil citrate that isn’t a diuretic can cause
edema or fluid retention. Swelling of the ankles and legs can be more than a
cosmetic problem. “Calcium channel blockers like amlodipine (also known as
Norvasc) and nifedipine (also known as Procardia) are famous for causing
swelling and pain in the legs,” says Sarah Ray, PharmD, BCPS. These drugs
can also worsen underlying heart failure or other heart problems or reveal an
unknown heart condition. “We’ve seen patients discover a heart problem only
after starting on a calcium channel blocker.”

By Sarah Mahoney

Youve Said It. Youve Heard It. How To Put That Excuse To
BedAnd Get Back In The Mood

Be honest. How many times have you turned down sex this month? Even the best
marriages have sexual cold fronts and everyday viagra soft a crushing work
deadline, a sick parent, or an acting-out teenthat can put the chill on
romance. But when sex evasion turns into a daily habit, marriage can become an
arctic zone. After all, there’s room for only so many nights of “Do we have
to? I’ve got a bad headache” before serious problems set in.

“It helps many couples to think of sex as a bank account,” says Lana
Holstein, M.D., author of Your Long Erotic Weekend . “If you just
got back from a vacation where you had lots of time alone, then saying I’m too
wiped out tonight’ isn’t a problem. But if you haven’t had much sex in the last
six months, then it took your husband some courage to ask. If you say no, that
can be damaging.”

And both partners, not just the avoider, are harmed. “The spouse with
more desire feels rejected, and the spouse with less desire feels coerced,”
says Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., author of Rekindling Desire: A Canada health in mental residential treatment

Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages .

If you’re the avoider, try putting yourself in your husband’s shoes. Says
Dr. Holstein, who coaches clients at Miraval Resort in Tucson, AZ: “When a
wife turns down sex, what does she want her husband to do instead? Should he go
masturbate? My clients usually say, No, I don’t want him to do that!’ Nor do
they want him to spend an hour on a pornography Web site.”

Another reason to say yes when your husband makes a move: It’s good for your
health. “Sex, and the cuddling that comes with it, releases all kinds of
chemicals women need,” says Dr. Holstein, “including mood-boosting
hormones like dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin.” What’s more, a study
from Wilkes University in Jack nicholson quote viagra
, PA, found that couples who had sex
regularly had higher levels of dysfunction erectile pill antibodies than those who
didn’t.

So it’s time to outsmart your excuse-making self (don’t listen to hershe’s
probably just grouchy from wearing sweatpants too often). Here, six common
cop-outs, and what to say insteadto your husband and yourself:

“Didn’t we just do it last week?”

Mismatched desire is one of the most common complaints marriage counselors
hearbut experts say that the excuse is pure baloney. “Two different people
will never have exactly the same desire, drive, and timing,” says Rick
Warren, the founding pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, CA, and author
of the best-selling book The Purpose Driven Life . “Sometimes you
have to make love for the benefit of the other person, even though you may not
need it yourself at the moment.”

“There’s no such thing as the right level of desire. Normal is usually
whatever the desired frequency is for that couple,” adds Gerald R. Weeks,
Ph.D., chairman of the marriage and family therapy department at the University
of Nevada, Las Vegas. (In case you’re curious about what other couples consider
normal, here are stats from University of Chicago exercise and health
: About 38 percent
of married women have sex a few times a week; 47 percent a few times a month;
and 15 percent a few times a year.)

What to say to yourself:

Remember your wedding day? When you said “I do,” you said “I
do” to sex too. “Even though you may not have promised to love, honor,
and have sex once a week,’ when you made a commitment to your relationship, it
was understood that sex would be part of the bargain,” say Patricia Love
and Steven Stosny, authors of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking
About It . And, yes, sometimes you have to be the instigator. When it
comes to different levels of desire, “the ball is in the court of the
person who wants it less,” says Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., author of the
forthcoming Prime: Advice and Adventures from a Sexologist on Life and Love
in the Sensuous Years .